Common Goals: Identity, Belonging, and Meaning (Amy Swenson)

So often what I think or write for this blog and for my newsletter is based on experiences I have or reflections that come through these experiences. It seems that people want to know what’s happening, what I’m doing, what kind of work I’m doing and what the church is like here vs. in the States, which are all good questions. So many times I find myself reflecting on just that—how what’s happening here is different or similar to things at home, and how I can best learn from them and reflect on them so that it leads to learning and reflection upon what’s happening in and among the community I live in in the States. It’s a continual process.

But there’s something more…bigger, and than all of that: basic human needs. I’m not talking about food, water, clothing and shelter, although those are in fact basic human needs. I’m speaking on a different level: an emotional, spiritual and personal level.

In my time working in ministry, I’ve come across a number of items, be they stories, poems, devotions or metaphors that have stuck with me as some good reminders of God’s mission in this world. And one that I picked up along the way addresses just this. It’s simple, really, reminding me of how connected we all are across this globe.

It seems to me that wherever I am in the world, I meet and engage with people who I find have the same basic emotional, spiritual and personal needs. And I would dare to say that they can be boiled down to three specific things: (1) Identity (2) Belonging (3) Meaning. Upon reading those three, you might claim that there are many others to address-that I’m minimizing things-but I really think this covers it. Let me explain.

IDENTITY: Deep down, everyone longs to know who they are and who’s they are. In this world, it is sometimes a difficult thing to come to terms with, especially when so much of who we are rests in what sociologists call “the looking-glass self”, meaning that who I am is defined by what you think of me. Especially in America, this is certainly true. What other people say and do towards me affects the way I think about myself. Even for the most certain and confident people, this is still the case to a certain extent. Here in South Africa, a concept that addresses identity is “Ubuntu”: I am who I am because of our relationship. (In other words, we are defined by and identified by who we are surrounded by—family, friends, colleagues, significant other, etc.) These things are important in figuring out just exactly who I am.

As humans, we continually strive to move forward on this journey, coming to know ourselves more than yesterday. Or, in faith terms, realizing who it is that God truly created us to be. The journey of exploring one’s gifts, passions, values, and preferences takes time, and we are constantly distracted by other things around us. In the same way that we long to know who we are, there is an innate desire to know who’s we are--meaning understanding our lives as children of God. This too, takes time to come to trust and stand firmly in the truth of this revelation.

The second one I mentioned is BELONGING: Again, it’s human nature to seek belonging. This can pertain to belonging to a certain group of friends, a team, a company, a church, a club, a group—anything where there is more than one person involved. It’s not really the activity that takes place or the type of group it is, we all need to feel we belong. We are a people created to be in relationship with one another. We need to rely on one another, to lean on one another, to support one another and to be there for one another. Without finding belonging with others, we feel empty, lonely, not good enough, rejected, which can be a dangerous thing. We long to know that there is a place for us in this world, and in the faith sense, we want to really know and understand that we in fact do belong to the family of God. Once we are able to grasp this concept of belonging to God’s family, there is a great sense of peace that comes with it.

Thirdly, MEANING. As human beings, we continue to search for meaning in our lives. Meaning can take different shapes and forms for different people (because we all have different world perspectives and values), but in some sense or another, we long to make an impact in this world. We look to make a difference, sometimes in a one-time, short term manner, and yet at the same time, we want to live a life of meaning. It matters how you live your life, and we know it. We just don’t always live like we do.

One thing that might disturb people who agree with me so far is that we never fully succeed at attaining these things. As I said before, it’s a journey. We continue to get to know ourselves, how we react in different situations, what we are empowered and able to do throughout life, how our relationships affect our lives. (Identity) We continue to seek out others, wherever we may move to, work at, socialize, relationships ebb and flow, but we want to know our place in and among the people in our lives. (Belonging) We continue to search for meaningful experiences, jobs, tasks and ways of living life that can impact the world, and make our mark. (Meaning)

Like I said before, you may have other ideas and thoughts about what humans need in life and this short list is probably not exhaustive. But, even though not everyone will name it in this way, it seems that the longing for identity, belonging and meaning cross over every human barrier, wall and border that seems to separate us so much. In this world, people of all different sorts—with differences in age, gender, sexuality, race, class, religion, level of education, career, country, language, lifestyle, hobbies, and family structure—are all very similar in this sense. In our own contexts, and within our own daily lives, we all seek the same basic personal, emotional and spiritual needs: identity, belonging and meaning. And in a world where we focus so much on our differences, knowing this is somewhat refreshing. What we long for, search for, and discover actually unites us.